Speak My Name
Oh My darling girl
It is February and the sun is shining across Manchester. Next week I should be celebrating your 22nd birthday. This is my 6th year without you and my lovely, time has not healed, the world is a sorry old place without you here.
When you were born grandma's friend Francis made you a beautiful quilt , do you remember it? It was tiny and just sat on top of your cot. .It was to celebrate your arrival into the world. I had waited for you for so long and loved you so much. I never imagined it would ever come to this
I have felt so powerless in all of this . I can't ever bring you home now but I so much need to make a difference and if anything stop other people from feeling so alone and helpless. So this year on what should be your birthday I am hatching a plan and I think you would have loved it. I am making a quilt, a very special quilt for all the people across Greater Manchester who like me are missing someone they love so very much.
I met a lady called Adele and told her all about you and she listened and has agreed to help so here'e what we are doing and I really believe you would think a ginormous quilt would be a most excellent plan
When you died I started sewing and knitting . It was the only way I could stop my mind from spiraling out of control. It has allowed me to feel calm and in my sewing room I have your photos, little notes you wrote me, I keep my pens and things in the mugs you made your coffee in. It is my private space that I share with you and in that space I can have time to breathe.
I wanted to share that feeling of peace with others who are left behind and hopefully help them walk this path none of us ever wanted to be on. So I'm going to gather them all across the whole of the city and together we will sew the biggest quilt you have ever seen. Each square will represent a person lost last year and each square will tell a story of someone who is still loved and missed. It will be a quilt sewn from absolute love and it will be big enough to wrap us all in that shared love we have for our children, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers and friends. There will be over 250 squares which is so sad but hopefully it will encourage people to talk about suicide, to join communities together so people won't ever feel alone and think suicide is an option. On World Suicide Awareness Day we will show our quilt to the world , and it will allow all of us to share our grief and hope that we can put an end to suicide. We need to talk, we have to connect, we have to say your name and everyone else's so we have no need to make another .
I will make this for you, always my baby girl
Love mum x